Where is your Heart?

Every day that I get older, I feel more sad that the world is so harsh. I feel for the sick, the injured, the disabled, the lonely, the orphans, the elderly, .....just about every class of human being, I guess.

Earthly life is hard. It is sometimes joyful, but a lot of the time it is just plain old difficult! I have found as I experience things in my life, that lately I have come to realize just what is important, and just what is not! There are things I should be spending my time on, and just as equally, there are things that I should not spend one second worrying over. One of the things I shouldn't have to be worrying over is what others say and do. Even if the things they are saying or doing affects me personally! Because, really, what can I do about it anyway?

Some people need to study and analyze the old Jewish Proverb that says,

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. ~Jewish Proverb

I used to be one of those people. I think we all have been at some time in our lives. But age, experience, and loss have taught me better, I'd like to think. Especially loss.

Everything I do in my life since the loss of my child, has a different nuance, a different meaning, a greater sense of what is important. To sum up the difference in my perspective is to say that now my Heart is in the right place. I feel a need often to call up old friends, make amends, right wrongs I may have done or said. I feel the need to apply scripture knowledge to my life in the form of actions. Not just quote the words, but to try and live the words. Words like these

He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. ~Proverbs 16:32

Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding. ~Proverbs 17:28

As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. ~Proverbs 23:7

Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might. ~Ecclesiastes 9:10

Golden bits of wisdom, faith, and Golden Rules for living our lives. So many pearls of wisdom from a loving Heavenly Father! Why do we waste so many years of our lives ignoring them? I think it is a wise man who learns when he is young to listen to the spirit, listen to the words of the Prophets, and listen to his heart!

Me? I am an old lady now, practically ancient, LOL! But hopefully it is never too late to teach an old dog new tricks! I desire to be a better person, a kinder person, and I desire to continue helping others until my old body and heart just give out! Hopefully, I can. Hopefully, my heart will remain in the right place!

Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. ~Matthew 6:19-21

My daily question when I wake up in the morning is now, " Where is your heart? "

So Sad Today....

Yesterday was a good day. Today, not so much! This grief thing is never ending. Just when you think you have a handle on it, something happens that just dredges up all the pain and your healing regresses back to the day of your loss! Those memories come flooding back, you are overwhelmed once again, and your heart just hurts...

All the sadness in the world will not change the past. All the anger directed at others will not change the past. All we can do is continue to push on towards the future. It is all we have...

My heart is so tender this morning and the tears are so close to the surface.

I so need something good to come along to distract me and make me feel something other than sorrow!

I pray my friends can be tolerant of me. They must get tired of hearing about my grief. But, there it is - always - sitting right at the forefront of my brain and unfortunately all I can do is share it or keep it tightly inside. The tighter the reins of control, the more pain I feel inside. So I have no choice but to let it burst free some days. It is the only way to survive.

What is tolerance? It is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other's folly - that is the first law of nature. ~Voltaire

Please pardon me, my dear friends and family. Bear with me as I learn to survive the loss of my baby girl, Emily. I will get there....one day I hope to be joyful again. It will be a different kind of joyful. More about peace and happiness in the here and now. More about Hope and Faith for the eternities to come.

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. ~Author Unknown

From the website of Clara Hinton, Silent Grief, comes an inspiration to me. She says:

We often wonder, "Is there any relief? Will this wound from

child loss ever heal? Will there be a day when I will feel

joy once again?" We long to go back to the time before the

illness or the accident. We want things to be like they were

before.

But, reality is that this world no longer exists. We live in a

new world, a new place, and in a new way. The life we knew

with our loved one has now changed. And, somehow, some way

we must find a way to find peace and joy once again.

We keep trying. Day after day, hour after hour, minute after

minute, we keep trying to move forward. It's so difficult that

some days we feel like giving up. Yet, deep inside we know

that we must go on. "This is my world now, and I must move

forward. I can do it, and I must do it. My only other choice

is to stand still, and that is no way to live."

We battle back and forth in our minds, trying to convince

ourselves to move on until one day it begins to make sense.

Living joyfully is not just an option. It is the only choice.

Bit by bit, hope begins to fill in the emptiness left by our

loss until one day, we realize that joy has returned. No,

our joy will never, ever be the same, but it is a joy that

brings peace and meaning to life once again. And, once

again we can smile and really mean it! -- Clara Hinton

Here's hoping I can smile like I mean it.......tomorrow.....