Waiting......

The hardest part of adoption is the waiting!! I have known this a long time now - oh, about 22 years! LOL  I can't believe it has been 22 years since we held our first sweet baby in our arms at the adoption agency here in Houston, at LDS Family Services, and looked into Andrew's gorgeous dark brown eyes. It was love at first sight!

Two years later we were back to waiting for a little girl to join our family. That took another two years to happen and 18 years ago our darling Katie joined the Mason family. The four years we spent waiting for Andrew was agonizing, as we wanted a child so badly! We were so thankful to have him! Then after two years we applied again, and the next two years was again stressful and loooooonggggg. But Katie was worth the wait - she is a jewel!!

For six years we were content and happy, until that adoption bug struck again! We then waited two more years to get the call about our Chrissy!! She came at just the right time, and has blessed our family in ways that are unfathomable!  

Interestingly enough, after adopting Chrissy the "waiting" was over for us!  Stephen came along just 18 months after Chrissy and we didn't have to wait at all for him!!!  We got news of his impending birth and adoption availability just days before he was born! Before we knew what hit us, we had a new  little angel in our family! Those were some crazy days, I tell ya! Two babies, only 18 months apart, both with disabilities. We were so happy, but so busy!! 

Then our family was transferred to Alaska. That was a fun time too! And while we were there, we again were "surprised" by an adoption call. In 2005, our precious baby Emily was born and a month later was all ours!! I was kind of liking this "NOT WAITING" thing!  It was much more fun to be "surprised" with a baby!! 

But alas, here we are again......waiting......a bit different this time! We have applied to adopt from the state of Texas from the foster care system. All our other adoptions were private agencies. It has been an interesting process applying through a state approved agency. We had to do a new home study (our sixth one), re-take the adoptive parent classes (called PRIDE), re-certify with our First Aid and CPR,  go through FBI fingerprinting and background checks, and complete a host of paperwork! 

Now it is all done, and we are approved, and here we are......waiting......

Even after 22 years, the waiting is not fun! We have inquired on several different children, and are still waiting to hear back on some of them. Some have our home study and are reviewing family home studies to find the best match for a child. Others are not even that far in the process.  One possibility was looking great and then at the last moment the foster parents decided they wanted to adopt the child. I was happy for her, as she had been in their home since birth and she was nearly three! But sad for us, as we were back to "the wait"! 

"Patience is a virtue" and "Good things come to those who wait" are my mantras lately. And in the meantime, we have lots to keep us occupied!  It will happen when God mean for it to happen, and when it does, the child/children we receive will be meant for our family!! Funny how that works!! And it always does work! So excited to see what God has in store for us next!  But I do so hate the "waiting"~~

The Heart Will Go On....for it is filled with love for her.

This scrapbook design personalized with Smilebox

To the Haters out there....God loves Ya!

Ready for a rant? If not, don't read further!

First of all, please understand that this is my own personal rant. Not incited by any particular individual, just a bunch of circumstances in general! My thoughts, my opinions, and my responsibility! My blog is my sounding board, my grief relief, my adoption journey, and sometimes I just need to write about my feelings!
Putting your thoughts on paper or in a personal journal is one thing, but putting them out there for the whole world to see takes a bit more bravery and confidence! I enjoy writing. I enjoy expressing myself. I enjoy having the freedom to do so! So.....here goes my rant for the week!

WHY is it that even when you are trying your best to do something good, there are people who make it their life's mission to try and mess things up??  I call them "Haters". My definition of a "hater" comes from a speech by Maya Angelou, given during the Gracie Awards in 2009. She says,

A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all
their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall.
They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever
good enough! When you make your mark, you will always attract some
haters…That’s why you have to be careful with whom you share your
blessings and your dreams, because some folk can’t handle seeing you
blessed…

I am blessed. I am blessed with a wonderful family, a faith in God, and people I am proud to be associated with as friends and co-volunteers in a great cause. I have been so happy to be involved in a cause for Hydranencephaly (Chrissy's medical diagnosis). It has given me a new sense of being needed and of being able to help others. After losing Emily, I was lost and adrift. I needed a cause! It has been my pleasure to watch the Brayden Alexander Global Foundation for Hydranencephaly blossom and bloom into an organization that WILL succeed and make a great contribution to the lives and families of the children who have this diagnosis. Being an administrator on the Family 2 Family Resource Support Group on Facebook has been a delight as well!   I have "met" and learned to love so many new families and children. I truly love them all. It is wonderful to share views, advice, solutions to problems, and all the miraculous things our children do each day. I pray so hard daily for each family and each child. And I pray for the success of the Founder of this organization, that she will continue to be a strong advocate and be able to see this mission to it's fullest potential. Alicia Harper is a good person, a smart woman, and a compassionate friend to all our kids and families. It hurts me to see her personally attacked and be-littled when she has done nothing but want the best for her son and all our kids. It is not about the ego for Alicia. It is ALL about the families and what we can do for them!  So, the haters need to leave her, and the Global Foundation alone. We have no animosity towards anyone. No animosity towards any other organization. Quite the contrary, we have nothing but good wishes for their endeavors. Two Foundations with different missions should be able to co-exist peacefully and each pursue their own vision in their own way. There is no need to drag families, individuals, or anything else into some half-baked idea of a "competition"! There is no competition!! Why should there be?  All everyone should want is success for both organizations in their separate missions! 


Here is the problem, again from Maya. She says:


We’ve all got some haters among us!  People envy you because you can:
Have a relationship with God
Light up a room when you walk in
Start your own business
Tell a man / woman to hit the curb (if he / she isn’t about the right thing)
Haters can’t stand to see you happy, Haters will never want to
see you succeed, Haters never want you to get the victory, most of our
haters are people who are supposed to be on our side.

How do you handle your undercover haters?

You can handle these haters by:
1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are *(VERY IMPORTANT!!)
2. Having a purpose to your life? Purpose does not mean having a job.
You can have a job and still be unfulfilled. A purpose is having
a clear sense of what God has called you to be. Your purpose is not
defined by what others think about you.
3. By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not
human manipulation. Fulfill your dreams!
You only have one life to live…when it’s your time to leave this earth,
you ‘want’ to be able to say, ‘I’ve lived my life and fulfilled
‘my’ dreams,… Now I’m ready to go HOME! When God gives you favor, you can
tell your haters, Don’t look at me…Look at Who is in charge of me…’
Maya Angelou 

Oh my gosh, so true! I LOVE this speech! My intentions are true and correct. I believe Alicia, and Holly and Heather and Sarah and all our wonderful families and volunteers for the organization have pure, true and correct principals and intentions. While we are busy spreading awareness, brainstorming ideas to further the cause and help our families and children; growing the Foundation by leaps and bounds, the "Haters" are busy spreading malicious lies, spending all their time figuring out how to "stop" us, making untrue accusations about timelines and legalities and trademarking infringements, and the list goes on and on and on and on.....

Wake up and smell the roses everyone involved!! The proof of intentions is in the works of the individual!!  


Don't be a "hater", be a supporter! Of ALL people and all good endeavors. Be a good person. None of us know how long we have on this earth. Between illness and accidents and evil in the world, we are all here by the Grace of God. 
When I go HOME, I hope God will say of me, "well done, thou good and faithful servant". Isn't that what we all should want?  


Life is eternal, and love is immortal,
and death is only a horizon;
and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.
~Rossiter Worthington Raymond

Don't let your sight be limited. Ignore the "haters" in the world. Be happy, be blessed, do good for others. Look over the horizon for the things that are truly important in life!  

And for the haters out there.....remember, God Loves You Too!!  As He forgives, so we forgive also.....

 

Praying not to be critical....

  "Now, we find many people critical when a righteous person is killed, a young father or mother is taken from a family, or when violent deaths occur. Some become bitter when oft-repeated prayers seem unanswered. Some lose faith and turn sour when solemn administrations by holy men seem to be ignored and no restoration seems to come from repeated prayer circles. But, if all the sick were healed, if all the righteous were protected and the wicked destroyed, the whole program of the Father would be annulled and the basic principle of the Gospel, free agency, would be ended.

      "If pain and sorrow and total punishment immediately followed the doing of evil, no soul would repeat a misdeed. If joy and peace and rewards were instantaneously given the doer of good, there could be no evil-all would do good and not because of the rightness of doing good. There would be no test of strength, no development of character, no growth of powers, no free agency, no Satanic controls.

      "Should all prayers be immediately answered according to our selfish desires and or limited understanding, then there would be little or no suffering, sorrow, disappointment,  or even death; and if these were not, there would also be an absence of joy, success, resurrection, and eternal life."

Spencer W. Kimball, "Tragedy or Destiny," Improvement Era,  March 1996,  pp. 180, 210

What If? ( Shared from the Silent Grief Website)

This is the question that haunts me from morning til night. What if I had brought her to bed with me that night? What if we had had a nurse on duty that morning? What if we had added yet another lock to the door? What if we had found her minutes earlier? What if the neighbors had had a proper fence and lock? What if I had been better at performing CPR? Would any of these "What Ifs" have made a difference?

Here is an article that helps me sometimes to remind myself I have to let go of the guilt. ^Emily^ would want me to do that. I know she would. But it is harder said, than done....

The "What If?" Trap

Written by Clara Hinton | Jan 31, 2002
The death of a child triggers many different emotions. There is shock and disbelief in what has happened. Children are never supposed to die before their parents! There is often a great deal of confusion following the death of a child. This cannot be my child. Not now and certainly not this way! It takes several weeks for the death of a child to even seem real.

Probably the longest-lasting, most tormenting emotion of all following the death of a child is that of guilt. That unanswerable question comes to the forefront of our thoughts and just won’t leave. What if? What if I had not left the pills sitting on the kitchen table? What if I had not left the keys in the unlocked car? What if I had stayed close to the pool and kept my eyes on him? What if I had not left the gun cabinet unlocked?

There is a knife sharp pain sent through the heart of a parent time and time again when guilt penetrates all thoughts. Guilt places a heavy burden that just seems like it paralyzes all thoughts from ever moving beyond that one question that can never be answered. What if? What if I had only done or said things just a bit differently? Maybe then I’d still have my precious child.

Moving beyond guilt is a necessary step in the journey of healing from child loss. This particular part of grief can be the most difficult pain of all to overcome. In order to be free of guilt, it is necessary to forgive one’s self.

Many children’s deaths are accidental, and a life can end in only seconds. No parent can completely foolproof a child’s life. The tragic truth is that fatal accidents can and do happen. When such is the case personally, it is very common for a parent to fall into the self-damaging cycle of the “what if” trap.

Moving beyond the guilt of this unanswerable question takes lots of hard work and often causes endless tears. Something that has helped many parents to move beyond the “what if” trap, is to discuss the guilt openly. Tell those closest to you of your guilt, and ask for help. You will occasionally get a careless, hurtful response, but most often family and friends will respond with compassion. Recognizing and admitting your guilt is a critical first step.

Put down on paper how you feel. Don’t leave anything out. Plan some sort of “letting go” ritual as a means of throwing away your guilt. Perhaps read aloud all of your guilt feelings to your spouse or two or three close friends and then crumble the paper with all of your guilt and toss it into a fire. As you watch the paper burn, you will begin to feel your heavy burden lift.

Finally, you must at some point decide to forgive yourself. This final step is the most difficult one of all. Coming to the realization that without forgiving yourself, you will never be able to move forward, you will have to live by a determined effort to not allow yourself to ask the “what if” question. It is a futile question because there is no answer, and it only adds to your grief.

By taking very precise steps to rid yourself of guilt, you will lift a heavy burden and finally be able to move forward in your journey of grief. Once you can move beyond the “what if” trap, you will know that you have successfully gotten rid of the gnawing questions that never really have any answers. Healing is about to begin!

A Worthy Adoption Share!!

THESE CHILDREN ARE OUR RESPONSIBILITY

by Rita L. Soronen

President & CEO

Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption

===============================================

I was recently asked, “If you could give someone considering foster care adoption one piece of advice, what would it be? “ Excellent question! Today in America there are 115,000 children in foster care waiting to be adopted, and yet there are also many challenges that anyone jumping into the child welfare system faces — unresponsive agencies, paperwork, system delays, and lack of post-adoption resources, to name just a few. At the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, too often we hear the frustration with what can appear to be a system that simply does not work to the advantage of parents stepping forward to adopt or the children waiting in care.

But we cannot give up. When children in foster care are permanently removed from their families of birth, we make what should be an unbreakable promise to them: we will find a family. And we will do it in a way that cherishes their childhood and their developmental needs so that they can grow and thrive within the birthright of every child – a safe and secure family of their own.

Take a moment and think about a time when, as a child, you were alone, or afraid or distraught because one of your favorite comfort items was missing or a parent was gone and you felt lost. Children in foster care waiting to be adopted experience and feel that loss in a much more profound way each and every day. Contemplating the challenges of foster care adoption is made a bit easier when we see the act of adoption, of forming a family, through the eyes of a waiting child.

Dave Thomas, our founder and an adopted child, constantly reminded us that “these children are not someone else’s responsibility, they are our responsibility.” So my one piece of advice to potential adoptive parents? Take on the responsibility and, no matter where you are in this process, commit to elevating these children by raising your voice on their behalf.

If you are experiencing unreturned calls, go up the chain and ask to speak with department managers, supervisors or directors. If the paperwork and delays seem overwhelming, reach out to a supportive network of others who have fostered or adopted and troubleshoot the issues. If there is process that you experience that needs to be fixed, share your concerns and suggestions for change with the leaders, from agency administrators to legislators, who create policy for children in care. Contact the local media, write a letter to the editor of your newspaper, or create a network of advocates for change.

And if you are ready to consider foster care adoption, reach out to the Wendy’s Wonderful Kids adoption professional in your community who will work with you to find a child. Wendy’s Wonderful Kids is a signature program of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption that is now in all 50 states, D.C. and four provinces in Canada and provides dedicated foster care adoption workers to focus on the children waiting for families and the parents who step forward to adopt. More than 2,300 adoptions have been finalized through this program.

Together we can all take responsibility for the 115,000 children waiting to be adopted and stop the injustice of the nearly 30,000 each year who turn age 18 and leave foster care without a family of their own. Call us at 1-800-ASK-DTFA or email us at info@davethomafoundation.org and let’s work together for the children who need us most.

______________________________________________________________________________

About the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption: The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption is a national nonprofit public charity dedicated exclusively to finding permanent homes for the more than 145,000 children waiting in North America’s foster care systems. Created by Wendy’s® founder Dave Thomas who was adopted, the Foundation implements results-driven national service programs, foster care adoption awareness campaigns and advocacy initiatives. To learn more, visit davethomasfoundation.org or call 1-800-ASK-DTFA.

Independence Day

Today is our Country's Birthday. I am proud to be an American. I am proud my older children serve our country in the United States Army, one branch of THE GREATEST fighting force in the world. I am proud of our Constitution, our Independence, and our Patriotism. I rarely talk about politics, as it is such a volatile subject, but today I will add that I personally am proud to be a Republican. Republicans are not always right, just as Democrats are not always right, but I do stand behind the conservative values of this country and feel they are best expressed by the Republican Party. I am proudly pro-life, believe "In God We Trust", and the values the Founding Father's wanted to instill in our country and legislature. I don't believe we are perfect, but the United State of America tries the hardest to help others, tries the hardest to maintain it's democracy, and it is the best example of government that the world has. I am grateful to live in this country and grateful for all the blessings we have here. Most of all, I am grateful for freedom. The freedom to worship, the freedom to speak my mind, the freedom to work where I please, and the freedom to travel where I please. Our blessings are prolific and varied here in the United States of America. Our gratitude should be just as prolific!

Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom, must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it. ~Thomas Paine

Love that thought because it is so true! But, hey, I also love this one:

You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism. ~Erma Bombeck